is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
