chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
worst night to have a conscience
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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