so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
