I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
