ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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