We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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