how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
