I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
