I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
