i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
