So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
BRING THE BAGELS
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
