I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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