At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
