now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
