I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
