therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
