So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
