Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
