I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
