return my video game
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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