You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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