Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
