Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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