I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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