dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
