i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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