the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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