foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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