I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
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I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize