Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
