watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
