Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
