just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
