You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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