at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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