He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
