My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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