Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
