Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
