3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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