If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
50% drunk capacity currently
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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