There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
my liver is dry heaving
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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