ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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