Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
is wine microwaveable?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
