The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
