don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
