Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
