the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
