At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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