last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
