Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My balls are so social today.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
