Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize