I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
