After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
