If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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