If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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