if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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