I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
