Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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