I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
