Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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