I think my vagina is haunted
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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