I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Farmville is her only friend.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
