I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
