Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
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We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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