Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
