Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
