guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
