when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
