whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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