his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
