then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
