nutella sex= disaster
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
