i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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