there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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